


I don't know who I am but I wanna find down with you

by Commandercosima



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 06:05:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14278491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Commandercosima/pseuds/Commandercosima
Summary: Ava doesn't know who she is and it's still trying to figure out.She hopes Sara will be by her side while she finds out.





	I don't know who I am but I wanna find down with you

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this fic very fast because I was feeling inspired after the finale.  
> They may be slight ooc because I haven't edited before posting it so Im sorry about that.
> 
> Comments and kuddos are always appreciated. Please, let me know if you enjoyed.

Ava dismissed all the agents for the evening. They had fixed all the anachronisms and now she was wondering what wa left for the Time Bureau. This Agency was created to fix anachronisms and now that they were all fixed she didn't know what else to do.

What a burden Rip put on her, being now the Director of an Agency that has no purpose anymore. How could she tell all this people to just go find a new job since there’s nothing more to do here?

She threw herself at ter chair, taking a large sip of scotch before lowering the glass down. She glared at it like this object could give her some answers. That's what normal people do, right? She didn't know that, she wasn't a normal person, she didn't even know if she could be considered a person. She was created in a lab to be the “perfect woman” and she didn't know what that meant for her.

“Who is Ava?” she asked herself and soon she was flooded with the memory of Sara, at the lab she was created, telling Ava she was the same woman she ever was. A woman who worked to the top to become the head of the Time Bureau. Sara told her she was extraordinary, different than all the other clones, but how could Sara know? How could Sara know she was the same Ava when they first met?

Rip told her she was the twelveth Ava he recruited in five years. How could she know it wasn't one of the other clones who met Sara for the first time? Was it this mouth who got to kiss the captain of the Waverider? This hands who played with her hair after their first night together? Has this body even been touched by Sara or had all that happened to the eleventh Ava? Or the tenth?

How could she know she was the one Sara loved and not a former version of herself? Was it even to her Sara said “I love you” or did that version of her died and was replaced again by Rip during the short period from that declaration to now?

She had so many questions and none of them would be answered because Rip was dead and Ava doesn't know anyone who could provide answers about her past so she knows all that’s left for her is to move on. But how could she move on when she doesn’t even know who she is? How can someone have a future without a past?

Her thoughts are interrupted by a portal appearing in front of her. She sat straight, trying not to show how hopeless she felt but as soon as she saw it was Sara who came from the portal into her office she lost it. She could feel the hot tears on her face, her body shaking as all the feeling she was trying to keep at bay came to surface.

Sara went to the Time Bureau to check on Ava and to keep her updated on the whole demons situation but what she didn't expect was to find the woman a sobbing mess. She couldn’t blame Ava, though, the director had been through so much in such a small period of time she didn't have the time to process all her feelings.

Ava felt Sara’s arms around herself and couldn’t resist the comfort the woman gave her. Ava stood up so she could have a proper hug, Sara was so tiny compared to her but Ava couldn’t help feeling safe in her arms.

As Sara hugged her, hand going up and down her back in a comforting touch she reminded what Sara told her only a couple days ago. “I’m admitting something that can save both of us. I love you”. She heard that sentence over and over in her head as she calmed herself down enough to be able to talk to her. 

Ava tried to say it back, but the words got caught on her throat and all she could manage to say in a broken voice, still crying was “I can’t say it back. I’m sorry but I can’t way that yet”

It took a moment for Sara to realize what was Ava talking about but when she did her heart broke a little. She tried to contain the tears that were threatening to escape her eyes when Ava took her head on her hands and looked in her eyes for the first time that day, but for Ava it felt like it was actually the first time.

Looking at Sara’s eyes Ava felt something só strong, but she still could not tell what it was. She realized her words hurt the woman in front of her and tried her best to express what she was feeling.

“I feel something for you, Sara. Something very strong. But I don’t know who I am so how could I know what I feel? If I told you that I love you now that would not be true because I don't know what is like to love or feel loved. But I wanna find out, I want to live and experience everything I didn't and I want you by my side” a rush of insecurity came over Ava at the past part and Ava couldn't help but add “If you want it to”.

Sara opened a big smile, tears falling down her face. That was better then a “I love you back”, that was Ava opening up to her and that was all she could ask for right now so without thinking she closed the small distance between them and kissed Ava. The kiss was slow and passionate, both women wanting to express her feelings through the kiss. When they broke the kiss in need for air, Sara rested her forehead against Ava's, needing to be on the tip of her toes for that.

“I want to be by your side while you find out who you are and I want to show you how it feels to be loved. And I don’t need you to rush to say it back. All I need is you”


End file.
